Parenting Principles that Transformed my Life…Discipline is an Act of Love

A few weeks ago, I started a new series on parenting principles based on several parenting books I read over the summer (plus my own parenting experience so far). The first principle in the series was speaking positively about our children, affirming them while avoiding harmful and destructive criticism. Today, we move on to the second principle.

Parenting Principle Number Two: Discipline is an Expression of love

  • Do we really need to discipline our kids? This is a tough one! Some days, it’s so much easier to just let the kids behave however they want. But I have to remind myself that this is not true love. While it may be easier in the moment to not discipline my child, this is not in their best interests in the long term.
  • What are some strategies for disciplining kids? Each parent will have their own strategy and values regarding discipline but what I have found works well for our family is outlined in Brittany Ann’s book “Teach Your Children How to Behave”. The basic concept is teaching your children how to make the right choice rather than simply ordering them to “do” or “not do” something.  We as the parents then follow through with consistent consequences if they make the wrong choice. I am seeing the value of teaching my kids this from an early age.

Disciplining children is tough! It can make us feel like mean parents (yes, I have been called “mean mummy!”) and it can be tempting to take the easy route. As difficult and emotionally wrenching as it can be to discipline our kids, it is worth it for the long term character building of our children and demonstrates how deeply we love them!

 

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Gratitude: Appreciating the Big and the Little Things

One of the things that I wanted to improve on from my last year in medical school was learning to slow down and appreciate the little things around me. I loathed the fact that mornings were rushed and it seemed like we were always ordering the kids around and rushing them out the door. With better time management and changes to our parenting approach, the mornings during the past week have been beautiful. I know that not every morning will go smoothly but I am simply grateful for those that do. This morning I felt grateful for 4 things:

  1. Brushing my little girl’s hair: I had dreamed of doing this ever since I was a teenager. After my first pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage, it sometimes seems like a dream that both she and my son are actually here in my life.
  2. Getting hugs from my dear son: As I was getting things ready this morning, my son suddenly stopped me and said, “Mummy, I want to do something”…he then enveloped me in a deep, long hug. Moments like these make the challenges of motherhood seem more than worth it!
  3. Being in medical school: As I looked over the voluminous material I need to learn over the next few weeks, I simply sat back and drank in the fact that although it’s a challenge, I am doing what I have been wanting to do for so long…and I love it!
  4. My Heavenly Father: I love the scripture in Psalms that describes God as a “Father to the fatherless” and a “Defender“. Having lost my father unexpectedly when I was 5 years old, I truly have seen God be a Father to me through the years. Despite the ups and downs, He has always been there for me. He is my hope and everlasting peace!

Take a moment to stop and reflect. What are you grateful for today?

Featured image courtesy of versiondaily.com

Parenting Principles That Transformed My Life…Speaking Positively

Raising kids is one of the greatest challenges one can face. It calls for the utmost patience, unconditional love, and draws stark attention to our own weaknesses. I personally realized that I was not as patient as I thought I was. I can recall my angry outbursts and frustration with my two young children (particularly my son), often feeling like I had no idea what I was doing when it came to parenting. I couldn’t understand why they simply couldn’t listen more…and whine less!!

This summer, with my kids home with me every day for 2 months straight, I knew something had to change with my parenting approach. I didn’t like the fact that I felt so much frustration and helplessness. I decided to take concrete action and found that I started to see significant improvements in my son’s behavior (and my own!) If there’s one thing that I have realized with kids, it’s that often their negative behavior is fueled by my own behavior and attitudes.

So what action did I take? In a nutshell, I prayed daily about the situation and I read parenting resources voraciously. Then I applied what I learned consistently!

I have distilled what I learned down to five basic principles which I learned from several different books and online resources. I feel that these ideas have completely transformed the way that I see myself and my children. I will share these principles with you over a series of posts, but let’s get started with the first one.

Parenting Principle Number One: Positive Speaking

  • Speak positively about your child and to your child:  A child responds to your demeanor and attitude toward them. If all they hear is negative words about themselves, this is how they will behave. Negativity can slip out unintentionally in a moment of frustration: “You’re so messy!”, “You’re so slow!”, “What’s wrong with you!!”. I know I have been guilty of putting down my son when I could have been more gentle or understanding.
  • How can you create a more positive environment for your child? Focus on your child’s strengths. What are they good at? What did they do well today? This can be in the simplest of ways, “Thank you for putting your toys away” or “You were really sweet with you sister today, that’s great!” or “You’re really good at building things, keep up the effort!” This doesn’t mean ignoring their weaknesses or any bad behavior, but it means putting more emphasis on what the did well rather than what they failed at.

This principle was inspired by reading “Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World” by Zig Ziglar.

Stay tuned for Principle Number 2 in this series of ‘Parenting Principles That Transformed My Life’

Featured Image Courtesy of jodysysler.com

Proud Mummy Moment…My Dearest Son is Starting Grade 1

This is just a quick post to document a big milestone in our family’s life today! My wonderful son is starting Grade 1 today and he is absolutely thrilled (while mummy is a bit emotional wondering how this day came so fast!)

Here are some pictures from this morning at our home and as we dropped him off at school. It’s moments like these that remind me what a privilege and a blessing it is to be a mother!

Summer Fun..and Getting Ready For the Second Year of Med School!

I can’t believe how fast the summer has flown by and that I’ll be starting the second year of medical school in a week!

It has been a fantastic summer spending time with my husband and kids, as well as catching up with friends and family. The kids developed a great love of swimming this summer and we went to the local pool almost every day. It was so great to see them getting over their fear of water and becoming more confident. It was also nice to catch glimpses of what their gifts and talents may be. My son seems to have a gift for designing and building things. He can come up with something from scratch without instructions! My daughter has such a depth to the way she observes and interprets the world and seems to just naturally nurture, comfort and encourage those around her. It’s been great watching the kids grow in their friendships with others. My son had his first sleepover at a friend’s this weekend and he had a blast!

My time at home with the kids also reminded me how difficult parenting can be. It requires so much patience and grace! Motherhood is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it has also allowed me to examine my own character and weaknesses, and enabled me to grow. Regardless of the challenge and the weight of responsibility in bringing up, disciplining and guiding our children, I am so grateful for the precious memories of this past summer, and for the many moments I got to cuddle and kiss my children!

This summer, I also got to spend a day shadowing at a hospital and it was a fantastic experience! One of my favorite blocks during the first year of medical school was Cardiology and so I wanted to find out more about what it’s like in the hospital setting. So, I spent the morning rounding on patients in the Coronary Care Unit (CCU) and the afternoon in the ER doing Cardiology consults. The staff physicians, residents, and fellows were wonderful to work with. I loved the Interprofessional aspect of the medical team and how everyone on the team could give their input on a case. I got to interpret some ECGs, examine patients, take a partial medical history, observe the management of patients with a variety of cardiac conditions, and even got to give some input on differential diagnosis. It was so interesting and mentally stimulating! I was moved by my interactions with the patients who had much to teach me about the experience of illness and hospitalization.  I will definitely be adding Internal Medicine to my list of potential specialties for the future!

As the summer break comes to an end, I hold my memories with the kids close to my heart! I am excited to be starting my second year of medical school (and also excited for my son who is starting Grade 1!)

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Science in action! The kids making a battery out of a lemon which powered a digital clock. They were fascinated!

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The kids’ favorite place to be!

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He could look at books for hours! I love watching him!

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Enjoying the view from Jack Layton Park

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His first time kayaking on Lac Simon….he loved it!

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Baby girl canoeing with daddy on Lac Simon

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It’s so fun being a kid!

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Canoeing with daddy on Horseshoe Lake (Saint Agathe-des-Monts)
 

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Yummy ice-cream in Saint Anne-de-Bellevue

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Ready to hit the pool!

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Hike and picnic on Mont Rigaud

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“Elementary, my dear Watson!”…..the kids came up with their own play and costumes!
  

The First Year of Medical School…Done!!!

The past few months have been both challenging and amazing! I can’t quite believe that the first year of medical school is already done! It went by so quickly and I am amazed at how much I have grown and learned over the past year. We covered 8 blocks: Public Health, Respiration, Circulation, Renal, GI, Defense, Infection and the Musculoskeletal System.

The last block was particularly heavy in anatomy and one of the most challenging blocks I have done. I have to say that it brought me to a whole new level of appreciation for the human body as we learned over 1000 new terms for different muscles of the body in Latin. Difficult to do but also fascinating and rewarding! I am also gaining valuable ultrasound skills and have signed up to teach this to first-year medical students. I think it’s going to be a fantastic experience.

Throughout this past year, I have grown in my appreciation for my teachers, mentors, classmates, our silent “teachers” in the anatomy lab, and of course, the patients who I have had the privilege of interacting with. Our medical school curriculum is hands-on so we have had several opportunities to gain exposure in the clinical setting.

My favorite block so far was Defense (the Immune system). I loved learning about the various ways the body keeps foreign invaders in check. Truly a marvel of the human body and a beautiful reminder of the majesty of God’s creation.

Other exciting events that happened in the last few months:

  1. The celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary (happy anniversary to my dearest hubby!)
  2. My son’s completion of kindergarten and “graduation” to Grade 1 (that’s my boy!)
  3. My big brother’s graduation from medical school as he embarks on his pediatrics residency (so proud of you!)

How was the first year of medical school? It was about as challenging as I expected it to be (particularly when trying to balance the voluminous amount of material with family life, church activities, extracurriculars etc.) but it was even better than I imagined in terms of how interesting the material was and what a privilege it is to be a part of the medical profession.

Through it all, I couldn’t have done this without the grace of God, and the wonderful support of my amazing husband, kids, friends and family. I am looking forward to the summer break over the next 2 months, spending more time with my family and getting some rest. In late August, I will be starting my last two blocks of the Fundamentals of Medicine and then Transition to Clerkship (rotations) in January 2018. Exciting!

Time will continue to pass regardless of what you are doing….make sure you are doing what you love! It makes life more meaningful and full of purpose!

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Studying on the deck during final exam week
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A visit to Ann Arbor, Michigan for my brother’s graduation from medical school
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Daddy and his little girl, hand-in-hand. A visit to Quebec city to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.
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Our cutie-pie! A visit to the Aquarium in Quebec city.
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A beautiful view of Le Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City from the rotating restaurant Ciel! 
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Ready for summer fun! So blessed to have these little ones in my life!