It’s been a few weeks now since my big decision to hold off on medicine. How am I doing? Overall, I am doing really well. I have had wonderful family time and feel that I am growing spiritually. There have certainly been emotional ups and downs about my decision. Some days I am sure it is the right thing to do for the sake of my family. Other days, I feel that I want to be back in school, pursuing something interesting that stimulates my mind and that I will be able to put to good use to help others. It’s still such a tough decision!
I feel that God is teaching me a lot about trusting him. For instance, I was supposed to go back to work in January 2015 but as I dropped off my dear daughter at daycare last week, I had a really hard time letting her go (which I experienced with my darling son too of course). This time, however, it just dawned on me, “why am I forcing myself to go back to work if I’m not ready? Dear daughter just seems too little to be at daycare all day long, 5 days a week”. I went back to work last time. Why don’t I change something this time?
The answer of course is finances and the fact that I like to be sure of when and where my income is coming from. Going back to work means a nice, steady pay check which we can slowly use to chip away at our debt from making repairs to the house this past summer. Not going back to work means very little income, the numbers not adding up at all, and me wondering how on earth we are going to survive! But it also means more time with my children who I treasure. I will never get these moments back.
The other night, I could not sleep. I was so unsettled! I went to the basement to pray and felt God telling me, “Why don’t you take a step of faith? Trust me!”. So, after discussing with hubby, I made the decision to extend my maternity leave for another 5 months without pay! This is so not like me. To do something without the assurance of a safety net! But it’s also teaching me that God is our sole provider. He knows what we need. He has always provided and he is a God who can move mountains. Our budget may not be making any sense right now, but God will make sense of it!
I feel so blessed to have this extra time with the children. And it’s also giving me to time to seek God about the future. I want to make sure that I am being the best wife and mum I can be, while at the same time using the gifts God has given me.The Bible says that if we need wisdom, we only need ask for it and God will freely give it to us. I pray that whatever decisions we make as a family will be guided by God’s wisdom and will be a time of growth and blessing for our family.